I really need help

I know I've only posted about 2 things, but still, I'd like to hear your opinions. All of you here, on the forum, seem so friendly and honest :) and I have a really big urge to write about it. I'll just 'dump' it here.

Here it goes..

Two weeks ago I discovered I am pregnant. The father doesn't know and has left a while ago really suddenly. I never saw it coming. He wrote a little note saying he wouldn't come back anymore. But that doesn't bother me right now; what am I going to do with the baby? I mean, it's a part of me, growing inside. And my parents.. How am I going to tell them I'm pregnant and single.

I have absolutely no idea what to do.

Suggestions are more than welcome..

Firstly, thanks for trusting us with your feelings and situation, Overigens. I am so glad you could "dump" (share) your load in here. That is what this section is for - no matter how many times you post anywhere else.

I think first things first, you need to take care of YOU. Your body is changing and your thoughts will be affected. Believe it or not, those hormones kicking around during pregnancy can really mess with your mind. Give yourself a break and be kind. Let go of the negatives and deal with what is. Your parents were young once too ya know...I bet they will be supportive or at least helpful even if the news does come as a shock at first.

I am a single mother with three children. My partner deserted me during every pregnancy so I went through it all alone. My kids are doing fine without him. We have a strong close relationship. At first it was really scary facing it all alone, but you will find as I did, that there is support out there and you do cope and grow in so many amazing ways when you become a parent. And single parenthood is no longer such a rare event. At our local school, the amount of two parent families and single parent families are pretty evenly matched.

If you need to talk, then we are here for you. This doesn't have to be a time of misery for you. Of course you feel uncertain - that is natural. Big changes are happening for you. But you are not alone. We all care and are here to help.





P.S. Congratulations, by the way

I am a male, so I am not sure if it is appropriate for me to post in the Ladies section.

But as a friend, I have the responsibility to voice my opinion.


If it were a few months ago, I would have suggested an abortion. I have always believed that life starts AFTER the baby takes the first breath. Moreover, I have always believed it was not justifiable to have a baby born, and there are no both parents available for his/her growth. But with the recent lessons I learned, I was so wrong.

The soul chooses a womb to go through a certain set of lessons it needs to learn, so be it. Moreover, though until 7 months the soul do not enter that body it is creating now, I still say go ahead and have the baby. Perhaps you have a lot of things to teach that soul for it's and your own cleansing.

but I am not taking into account the various other situations like your parents, their opinions, etc etc. I may not be the best person to comment on that.

Good luck.

Thank you guys for your advise :) I really appreciate it!

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I think first things first, you need to take care of YOU. Your body is changing and your thoughts will be affected. Believe it or not, those hormones kicking around during pregnancy can really mess with your mind.

I didn't know that.. I thought hormones only made some bodychanges and intensified your emotions. I heard pregnant women sometimes overreact or get urges to eat really weird food combinations. Did any other things happen to you?

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The soul chooses a womb to go through a certain set of lessons it needs to learn, so be it. Moreover, though until 7 months the soul do not enter that body it is creating now, I still say go ahead and have the baby. Perhaps you have a lot of things to teach that soul for it's and your own cleansing.

This sounds really interesting, where did you learn that? I think I once read that a baby's soul telepatically influences his/her mother to choose their right name.. That the sound of a name is the meaning of how the soul is.

I don't think I can choose an abortion. It stays my child. But I'm still getting used to it, the idea that a little person is inside me..

About my parents: the problem is that they still see me as their baby daughter.. And I don't think it'll do any good to their blood pressure knowing that I'm pregnant and 'alone'.

Hmm.. Tough times :) But I like the idea of being a mom.. Still a weird feeling..

We're here for you sweetie! Tell your parents, see your doctor regularly, take care of yourself. I know it's difficult, but take some deep cleansing breaths and take one day at a time. My neice's baby just turned a year old and watching him grow and learn has been such a joy. Get a book on what to expect from your prganancy, there is a wealth of information there. Keep us posted often on how you are you are feeling emotionally and physically.

Once you tell your parents, you'll have a great weight off your shoulder and can then have their support and love to help see you through this. Big hug and lots of love! O oooooh, a Light Warrior Baby!!!!!!

Overigens wrote:

This sounds really interesting, where did you learn that? I think I once read that a baby's soul telepatically influences his/her mother to choose their right name.. That the sound of a name is the meaning of how the soul is.

Lessons lady, lessons. when the time is right the teacher appears! :) Now, these days I have gone beyond the learning to understanding, that is really the best part with meditation. And yes, beyond anything and everyone, I owe this to my sister Kat, she pushed me onto the right track. Though God showed me the path, it was Kat who gave me strength to pursue!

I am very grateful that you have been brave enough to share your situation with us here overigens, it must not of been easy but be assured we are all definately here for you to offer moral support and help and advice where we can. If you ever need to talk about anything, just remember this is a safe haven! Only love and light here ... so dump away!

There is a great deal of information and resources available on-line dealing with all aspects of pregnancy that can offer you some insights that you may find helpful (not to mention comforting - trust me your not alone in the emotions you are experiencing!). Here's one little article I found that you might find a little bit helpful: http://health.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=693721

In addition, there is many government organisations, family health/family planning clinics and womens health services that should be available in your area that you can ring in confidence and perhaps have a chat with ... I strongly suggest getting in contact with a local one of your choice - they will be only too happy to help you with any questions you have and they can be a really great contact for 24 hour support and counselling services too! I'm not sure where abouts you live, or I would of posted some links for you, but they should be easy to find in the phone book or via doing a simple local google search. I think you will find them tremendously helpful.

good luck hun! and don't forget we are always here for you

MoonChild wrote:

Overigens wrote:

This sounds really interesting, where did you learn that? I think I once read that a baby's soul telepatically influences his/her mother to choose their right name.. That the sound of a name is the meaning of how the soul is.

Lessons lady, lessons. when the time is right the teacher appears! :) Now, these days I have gone beyond the learning to understanding, that is really the best part with meditation. And yes, beyond anything and everyone, I owe this to my sister Kat, she pushed me onto the right track. Though God showed me the path, it was Kat who gave me strength to pursue!

Awwww...thank you brother. You are a light to me as well and a source of great strength

And even though this is the ladies lounge, you are welcome here Mr Moon. The only reason it is for the ladies is because some threads may contain subjects that men are not entirely comfortable with (and vice versa with the boys' bar ). Anyone can post

Overigens wrote:

Thank you guys for your advise :) I really appreciate it!

Quote :

I think first things first, you need to take care of YOU. Your body is changing and your thoughts will be affected. Believe it or not, those hormones kicking around during pregnancy can really mess with your mind.

I didn't know that.. I thought hormones only made some body changes and intensified your emotions. I heard pregnant women sometimes overreact or get urges to eat really weird food combinations. Did any other things happen to you?

Oh man where do I begin? I got very forgetful and very paranoid. I had all sorts of strange dreams. Each pregnancy I craved something different. Strong salt and vinegar chips for the first one, anchovy paste for my daughter and sun-dried tomatoes for my youngest son. I was very inspired and wrote lots of short stories while pregnant including one story that ended up being over 20 chapters long! I also cried at the drop of a hat - that is when I wasn't getting really angry or totally repulsed by the opposite sex. I took alot of things waaaaay too personally and had trouble defining reality from my imagination. I was very insecure and scared. And hot!! I was pregnant through winter twice and didn't feel the cold. You see when you are pregnant your blood volume increases (almost doubles actually) so you have a great heating system onboard. This also means your heart and other organs have to work harder pumping the extra blood around your body. Over heating can cause hallucinations and nightmares. You'd be surprised what changes can happen to you while pregnant. I was just so happy to be able to bend over and see my feet again at the end of it all. With my oldest son, he had his foot hooked under my ribs for the last few weeks so I had no problem evicting him from the womb just so I could sleep comfortably again.

I don't think I can add much that the others haven't already said. Just want to offer you my well-wishes. Good luck, and as the others have said, we'll all be here for you.

Thanks everyone for you support!!! I feel so happy all the time right now :p Really weird. Oh and tomorrow I'm going to tell my parents.. hehe we'll see how it goes..

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Oh man where do I begin? I got very forgetful and very paranoid. I had all sorts of strange dreams. Each pregnancy I craved something different. Strong salt and vinegar chips for the first one, anchovy paste for my daughter and sun-dried tomatoes for my youngest son. I was very inspired and wrote lots of short stories while pregnant including one story that ended up being over 20 chapters long! I also cried at the drop of a hat - that is when I wasn't getting really angry or totally repulsed by the opposite sex. I took alot of things waaaaay too personally and had trouble defining reality from my imagination. I was very insecure and scared. And hot!! I was pregnant through winter twice and didn't feel the cold. You see when you are pregnant your blood volume increases (almost doubles actually) so you have a great heating system onboard. This also means your heart and other organs have to work harder pumping the extra blood around your body. Over heating can cause hallucinations and nightmares. You'd be surprised what changes can happen to you while pregnant. I was just so happy to be able to bend over and see my feet again at the end of it all. With my oldest son, he had his foot hooked under my ribs for the last few weeks so I had no problem evicting him from the womb just so I could sleep comfortably again.

Gosh.. I guess I have a lot of crazy things coming my way. But I must say that it seems quite handy, the heating system, I always feel cold. I'll update you guys when 'stuff' starts to happen :)

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I am very grateful that you have been brave enough to share your situation with us here overigens, it must not of been easy but be assured we are all definately here for you to offer moral support and help and advice where we can.

At first I was a bit scared.. I mean, we don't know each other too well and I also felt incredibly lost. But I'm glad I did :)

The link has really cleared some things out, of course I knew I'm not going to be the only single mom, but it helps to read experiences of other women. Today I found a nice little group in the city (I live in Ghent, Belgium) full of friendly ladies. Imagine 5 young pregnant women who just wouldn't quit chattering. It was really great!

Bless the situation, bless your parents, bless your baby. Rest everything - the Universe will take care.

Good luck!

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Today I found a nice little group in the city (I live in Ghent, Belgium) full of friendly ladies. Imagine 5 young pregnant women who just wouldn't quit chattering. It was really great!

Yay! This news makes me feel so happy for you and made me me smile like this --->
It is just so very fabulous and wonderful that you found a support group! How exciting! I bet all of you will become firm friends too!

Good luck with your parents too sweetie! I think a great weight will be lifted off your shoulders.

Keep us updated on your progress! I like your energy! It radiates so much love and I get the distinct feeling that there is a whole lot of love surrounding you right back! Makes me all warm and fuzzy! teehee

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Bless the situation, bless your parents, bless your baby. Rest everything - the Universe will take care.

amen to that.

The women's group sounds wonderful!! I am so excited for you! Have you thought of any names yet?

Ooh how did it go with your parents? I can feel your guides at work helping you with this situation. You are doing great. Just take it as slowly as you need to and relax. Post here as often as you like - we are always popping in and out so there is bound to be someone around you can talk to. That is the beauty of a worldwide community with different time zones Oh and fantastic find with the support group. I am so very proud of the steps you have taken in your life. Enjoy the happiness! I remember the amazing sense of peace and joy I felt when carrying my first child. There is nothing like it that can compare.

I'm dying to find out how it went with the parents. Hope all is well.

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Have you thought of any names yet?

No, I haven't.. I think I'm going to wait until he/she grows a bit more (lol now I'm thinking of plants when I write this) and I sort of 'get' a name. But I also heard that when your baby is born you can see if the name's right or not.. So I don't really know yet :P I guess I'll have to buy a lot of books in the next months :D

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Ooh how did it go with your parents?

Erm.. Yeah. My parents.. When I told it, it was my mom who mostly freaked out but in the end she supported me and is very eager to become grandma xD My dad's an other story, to explain it a bit: when I was younger he always said 'Aurélie, if you're not going to study you won't get a good job. Then you'll have to work in a factory, and I tell you, glueing the same bottom every day ain't fun young lady. And it pays like sh*t. But also, I don't ever want to see you dependant of a man. Make sure you always have money enough, don't get into trouble.' And that last thing also meant 'Don't get pregnant alone'. He still thinks that way and really isn't happy about it.. But okay, me and my dad.. Our relationship started to water a bit when I was a teenager. I think he'll get over it.
It's actually really likely that when it's born he'll be standing first to take care of it and play xD

That's my dad.. lol

So I guess it went well with my parents.. It was a bit awkward, my mom started crying and stuff. My dad intends to murder the bloody bastard as he put it. Poor Hinun (my exboyfriend, he's native american).

I wonder what I'm going to do (or not do) with him.. I think he should know, but he left.. I don't know =/

Night Star wrote:

I'm dying to find out how it went with the parents. Hope all is well.

If you die, how will you find out?

Hahaha Moonie! True!

Aurelie, what a beautiful name! Sounds to me like your family will be very supportive and loving. I'm very excited about our Light Warrior baby! LOL

MoonChild wrote:

Night Star wrote:

I'm dying to find out how it went with the parents. Hope all is well.

If you die, how will you find out?

Phew, sounds like it went fine. Give them time to get used to the idea honey. The hardest part is over - telling them. You don't need the stress of trying to hide your situation on top of all the changes your body will be going through right now. It is great to hear you being positive. As for the father of the child, I don't really know what to say. I guess that is one you will have to weigh up in your own mind. Sure it is his baby, but will telling him be of any benefit? When I told my partner about being pregnant, all three times I had a fight on my hands. The first time he told me he couldn't guarantee he would be there for me or even be part of the child's life. In fact he forced me into an ultimatim - choose the baby or him. I chose the baby. He was around but the day the baby was born he stood in the ward screaming at me that I was punishing him by having the baby and I had to get security to remove him. The second time I had to deliver the baby a month early because his crap sent my blood pressure through the roof. That time he yelled at me because all the nurses were female and bitches and wouldn't let him see 'his' baby. And the last time I was pregnant, in front of a carpark full of people and while my other two small children were in the car with me, he told me that 'we' had an important decision to make and that I was getting an abortion! Needless to say I drove off.

Not saying this is your situation, but if you are considering telling the father for reasons associated with being alone or lonely, please know that you can get through this without him. Sometimes we have to put the health of ourselves and our babies first and make tough decisions. He does have a right to know, sure. But you also have a right and an obligation to protect yourself and your unborn child. Stress causes big problems in pregnant women, so do yourself a favour and avoid it.

And really, there is no time limit on telling him. Go with what you feel is right in your heart. Most of all, you have to live with your decisions so make sure that whatever you come up with feels comfortable with yourself first.

Firstly, congratulations on your pregnancy! What lovely news. I think you're right that your dad will get over it... as for telling your ex-boyfriend, I think yes tell him; he deserves the choice of whether or not to be involved. If he decides not to be, then you will do just as well without him!

Goth - your ex sounds like a real piece of work. So glad to hear that you always made your own decisions despite him, and that you got away from him! You are such a strong woman!

Thanks Gem, it was a rough time in my life but I don't regret my decisions. I have three great children and their father is still carrying on like a martyr and a victim - his choice I guess. He is missing out on their lives all because he can't get over himself.

You did what was right for you, and sadly many women would not when faced with a similar situation. (I actually have a friend who's ex sounds exactly like yours, and he pretty much made her have an abortion and then didn't help her or care for her afterwards... in other words, he was a real bastard!). How you reacted in the face of such an energy vampire is testament to your own strength!