I don't know anymore.

I felt terrible back then too at first, until I realized it wasn't our fault and I couldn't make money grow on trees. I never could understand how hospitals were a 'for profit' orginization.

Anyway, i don't feel bad for any credit orginizations. They take a risk by offering such a service in the first place. Let them deal with their losses like everyone else. I am responsible with my credit, but my hubby owes thousands. The credit card companies keep offering people more and more credit so it's their own own fault. Don't worry hun, you are NOT alone. None of us expected to be jobless. I always found a job quickly in the past when a place closed. Now, things are so very different I can hardly believe it.

Ahhh the credit jungle...I have a reasonable credit debt myself and no means to pay it. I used to lay awake at night worrying about it until I made myself sick. What's the point? This world operates on credit. It's only money and if you attach yourself to it in a negative way well it just generates more stress and impacts on your decision-making ability. The more I stressed, the more kneejerk reactions I had that made the situation worse. When I realised the debt was not going to go away over night and would need to be worked on slowly in small chunks that I could manage, things became much better. Go for quality of life over trying to sort things out quickly Gem. If it is not in your means to pay it, then there is a higher reason for it. Just as this financial crisis worldwide is no accident. Perhaps we are being given an opportunity to shift our focus. Afterall, what is more important to our soul's growth? Our love of and reliance on money or the realisation that even without it we are still breathing and existing? That to me speaks volumes about where our focus needs to be. Mother Theresa came from one of the poorest countries in the world and yet she did not let poverty stop her from being a loving human being and helping others who had nothing. And all her needs were taken care of - why? Because she had faith that we are bigger than just the human shell we inhabit. Imagine the world with that attitude? Money and credit and paid work would become redundant and love would be the currency. I choose to live in that world, not the one based on monetary worth and stress. That is what I am creating with my thoughts. We all have that choice.

I can totally relate to what you're feeling and I have on many occasions let the thought cross my mind that I may be subconsciously creating the bizarre experiences that I have. And its not like I can easily go talk to someone about it, for fear of being labeled a lunatic. Deep down I believe that people like us are simply much more spiritually advanced then the average person and have most likely developed our powerful clairvoyant abilities through experiences we have had throughout our past lives..

O.K Sweetie,

I think I may have got it NOW BE-en thinking about what you've written here and your THOUGHTS, feelings, energy, vibe and all, keeps me coming back to the word THOUGHTS, changing ones inner Thoughts???? Key Word y-OUR " THOUGHT'S. How can ONE THINK more Positive THOUGHTS, affirmations, positive affirmations are great and ALL, but until WE get to the root of the issue and pull it out the root that is, ALL the positive THOUGHTS and different ways of thinking it don't change anything, thats why It can seem like a cruel joke sometimes, BEcause WE're working so hard to BE positive about it and it's not getting any BE-tter or working out for US. WHY ?? ??


Back to the key word here " Thoughts, THOUGHTS are things, they do MATTER into form, so on that note please allow me to share in what I feel and hear coming from your words here, your Thoughts on things. What I see that y-OUR reflecting to yourself, like a mirror image, so to speak.

First " Thought " is the title off this thread " I Don't Know Anymore " ??

GemLover wrote:

Yeah... I can fully relate to enjoying the freedom of not having to follow a schedule etc. Being a low income earner doesn't even worry me too much overall, it's only the fact that if I don't get more work I could end up in trouble with the debt collectors. It's like a cruel joke that I'd just set myself a plan to be debt-free by January and then out of thin air suddenly I no longer have the income to do that. The plan was to get out of debt and then never get INTO it again... the fear of not being able to pay my debts and then getting in trouble is the bad thing. Still being as positive about it as possible though. I go to the temp agency tomorrow to register and do computer tests.

Second " Thought " is " BE-ing a low income worker " ??

Third " Thought " is " FACT, IF I don't get more work " ??

Fourth " Thought " is " I could END up in trouble " ??

Fifth " Thought " is " Cruel Joke " ??

Sixth " Thought " is " set myself a plan to be debt-free by January and then out of thin air suddenly I no longer have the income to do that. " ?? I don't feel that these thoughts just come up out of thin air & suddenly?? If you look over the above Thoughts, you'll see your thought patterns and some of your other thoughts BE-fore those and how they may have not BE-en all that sudden in the making and creating of ONES "thoughts as you may have BE-lieved it to BE... This is what your ordering with these thoughts and your feelings. This are the roots that need to BE pulled out first, these old Thoughts and old ways of thinking it, pulling these thoughts out and then replacing OUR thoughts with, reprogramming them and affirmming it ALL with more positive " Thought " patterns and affirmations. But WE got to pull them ALL out first and hard, BE-fore WE really do BE-lieve in positive thinking and affirmations BE-fore they truly work.

Seventh " Thought " is " I no longer have the income to do that " ??

Eighth " Thought " is " get INTO it again... " ??

Ninth " Thought " is " the fear of not being able to pay my debts " ?? BIG ROOT here, " the fear ", your thoughts and feelings are feeding the fear, thats why one gets feelings of BE-ing sick to ones stomach, stressed out, fearful, depression feel-ings will even show up and god help US when It gets that far, that way of thinking, can kill Us. I know, I've BE-en there to many times myself in this life time and past.( Passed)

Tenth " Thought " is " then getting in trouble " ??

Eleventh " Thought " is " the bad thing " ?? I't not a Bad Thing, it's just the way WE have BE-en lead to think or BE-lieve, BE-en programed, ALL these thoughts have BE-en programed in US, so we can see them as they truly are, as signs on the wall or in Ones mirror, reflecting back at you, so you can see the difference BE-tween the two, weither there negitive or positive affirmations and then BE able to change these thought patterns for a more positive thought or Affirmation.

I hope you don't mind me sharing my " Thoughts " and feelings here like this. My only hope is that some of these feelings my insights and thoughts can help you out ALL-so.

Much Love & Healing Light

Thank you! Yes, all that makes sense to me... pulling out the roots of what might subconsciously be behind the patterns that have manifested. Fear is the biggie, BUT I didn't have any real conscious fear until the situation manifested. I was feeling very positive about what I was doing and about to do... and it seemed so unreal when I wasn't able to go ahead with the plan that was firmly in my mind. Strangely enough though, although I still haven't found any replacement work/income, it has given me a huge kick in the pants to get 'back on track' with what I really WANT to do with my life - I've had some fab ideas for both my MA thesis and PhD and I want to enrol for my MA next year. I want to change to the career that will make me happy, as opposed to the career that I do just for the money and for a bit of convenience. I would have stuck to this job indefinitely because of its up-side (five years already), even though it doesn't make me jump up and down with joy. But as long as I continued on the same path, I was not going to have any serious thoughts about returning to study and having a career change. I still want to get my income level back up, but NOW I am started to feel more focused on a better alternative for the future. And there have been signs over the past few months that have caused me to pause - at the Kelvin Cruickshank show, Kelvin mentioned that while we all shouldn't run out and quit our jobs, we should if we haven't already, get ourselves into a vocation "that makes you flutter!" ... I never forgot those words from the show. He talked quite a bit about the importance of finding what makes you happy. Then a week or so before I got this news about my job, the blackboard sign outside the health shop had written on it, "Do what you love and the money will come." It seemed like it was meant for me! It gave me reason to pause - but no ideas came into my head. Then, when all this blew up, and I started to consider studying, I realised in a flash exactly what I wanted to write my MA thesis about! I'd been years not really knowing what I wanted to write about - which is another reason I had not gone back to study... I didn't want to write a thesis about something I wasn't 100% passionate about. So I got this flash of inspiration, and I felt as though MB would have been saying "yeah! You got it!!!" ... so I did a quick google search and found the exact book that I will use as a basis. It was like this book was waiting there for me all along... and then a vision that I'd had a few months ago came back into my head and I REALISED what was meant by the vision!!! It was the one where MB was holding a film reel. He was posed similar to the film maker Jean Luc-Godard, who I wrote most of my undergrad and postgraduate work about. I got the meaning from it that I should get re-involved in Film & Media Studies, which really means that I should write my thesis... but it looks as though I didn't quite glean the full meaning of it until now, because both the message and the messenger were my answer... I am going to write my thesis ABOUT Marc Bolan!!!! The Head of Department has already informally approved it!!! I can think of nothing that would make me happier... I even have a PhD topic forming in my head... and I don't care if anyone I talk to thinks it's silly to write a media studies topic about a rock star, I only care that it makes me happy. Another thing that's been going through my head for a while is MB in an interview saying "I'm a real media person". I should have linked that all up! Media person... media studies... Anyway, now I have all these ideas brewing in my head it all feels really good. The thing that I have to get control of now is my confidence - I've been away from study for something like seven years now, I know this is my main area of talent but I have to get past this vague fear that I won't be able to do it. I KNOW I can do it, I think I might just have a little niggling lack of confidence until I finally jump in and get started. So yeah... it seems that all of this needed to happen to actually get me ON TRACK. Not financially or materially, but on whole different level altogether. Of course I still want to get my income level back up, as that will be important while I study too, but the difference is that I will now dedicate time to what I really want to do, whether I'm working and earning or not.

I got the message, Universe...

Today I have seen 999 and 4777744.


From Sacredscribes.net:

Quote :

The keywords for the number 9 are:

teaching, healing, humanitarian, intelligence, discretion, brilliance, compassion, protection, responsibility, inner wisdom, loyalty, forgiveness.



The number 9 symbolizes the principle of a Universal philosophy or consciousness.



Your ‘Life Purpose’ involves the giving of service through your natural skills, talents, interests and passions.



Get to work! The number sequence 999 is indicating that the world needs your Divine Life Purpose at this time. Fully embark upon your sacred mission without hesitation or delay. 999 tells of completion. It is a message to ‘Lightworkers’ to keep their light shining brightly.

Quote :

The number 777 informs you that you have listened to Divine Guidance and are now putting that wisdom to work. It is time to reap the rewards. The message of 777 is that you are to be commended and congratulated. Your success is inspiring and helping others by example. Know that your wish is coming to fruition in your life. 777 is a positive sign and means that you should expect miracles to occur in your life.

Quote :

The keywords for the number 4 are:

hard work, security, grounded, honesty, practicality, appreciation, determination, tradition, solid foundation, dependability.



The number 4 symbolizes the principle of putting ideas into form. It signifies work and productivity. The 4 energy is constructive, realistic, traditional and cautious. 4 is the number of system, order and management. This vibration is to do with energy, harmony and co-operation and it is the door to illumination and/or initiation.



Angels are all around you and with you. Call upon them for help, guidance and emotions of love and security.



44 indicates that the angels are surrounding you at this time, loving and supporting you. You have a very strong and clear connection with the angelic realm.

Quote :

7's and 4's (74, 774, 747, 744 etc)



The message of the 4 and 7 combinations is that you are to be congratulated. Your angels say, "keep up the great work!" Keep your thoughts focused as they are having a positive effect in your life.

I love when the universe talks to us...

Yes... I know that this is what I'm supposed to do, to be doing something that makes me happy. If I am happy, then my happiness will touch other people. And I can be an example of following your dreams, to inspire others as well.

I went to the university library today to check the lay of the land so to speak... and found there are quite a few books there relating to my topic. So I have a solid starting point, and obviously there must be people (staff) at the university who have an academic interest in Marc Bolan or the books would never have been ordered for the library in the first place. This should then mean that I'll have people to lend support to what I'm doing - maybe it will be a multidisciplinary topic in the end, especially if I go on to do this for a PhD eventually... Media, Music and English are all possibilities... but these are just all brainstorm-type ideas that I need to refine...

In the meantime I must admit I'm feeling a bit over-awed by the whole thing. It's like a mixture of excitement, trepidation and a vague lack of confidence - I don't think I'm very 'grounded' in the idea right at this moment and I need to settle myself into it with a firm foundation to go ahead. It's what I want to do but after so many years away from study, it's just slightly freaking me out.

Sounds like you are looking at a bachelor of arts - that would allow you to do all three subjects you mentioned.

By the way Gem, on an unrelated topic, do you know if Marc had a meddle name with the initial 'J'?

Nope, I already did my BA - so this is more specialised in one area. It's the Master of Arts thesis, which doesn't usually allow a mix of subjects, and you just write on one chosen topic... I think it's 40,000 words but not sure, could be 30,000... either way it's like writing a book! Anyway I just found a supervisor in the Film & Media Studies department who's really keen on my topic, so it is definitely going to be a media focus! I'm very excited!!! It's over 6 months away until I start so I'm hoping to get some work done on it beforehand.

No idea about the middle name, Goth... I have never found any reference to his middle name anywhere, so always assumed he didn't have one. I can't think of any 'J' that is associated with him, either. Apart from 'Jewish'....?? Any reason?

Edit... also 'Jones', for 'Gloria Jones' his partner.
Oh! Another one... 'June', his first wife.

Good luck with your studies - I know you will get alot out of it

Okay, I asked about the J because yesterday afternoon I took my son to see an ear nose throat specialist and as I crossed the road to his offices, Marc popped into my head. It was so random...and the next thing I noticed, parked right outside the building was this little rounded sort of car and the letters on the number plate were 'MJB'. I felt the letters and the car were connected to Marc and I felt a strong pull to mention it to you. Now I am not sure if the message was for me or for you. The happened about 4.20 pm Australian time which I think is two hours ahead or behind your time...this might help if you were doing something at that particular time? I know I was worrying whether the doctor would actually do something about my sons tonsils which have been enflamed for two years now. And he did. But I also felt the MB message related to you somehow...any thoughts?

Oh, just a thought - you are talking about study and I am questioning my area of study. Arts was an area I was considering changing to - english literature, philosophy and communication...wonder if that is the common thread - university studies.

Wow! For some reason the 'MJB' really stands out. (Maybe I'm vaguely linking it to Michael Jackson or Michael J Fox or something)... there is definitely something in it. Was the car a mini by any chance? At 6.02pm NZ time yesterday I was writing to my potential supervisor to ask if he was interested in my topic, and he wrote back around 7.30-ish. Your 4.20 is around our 6.20, so it was within that timeframe!!!

If he popped into your head and then you saw the car and the MJB, it seems very likely to me that it was a message.

Ahhh, well your choice of BA subjects sounds very similar to what I have already done! I majored in English, did a Philosophy paper and then went on to Communication Studies - my MA is actually within the School of Communication Studies. That in itself seems like a positive sign to me about your own studies!!! Maybe the sign relates to the link between us both and what we are both planning on/thinking about doing.....

I'll let you know if MJB brings anything else to mind. Like I said, it really stands out to me as something familiar or meaningful, but I just don't know what.

When I think of MB, I get a feeling of magic and inspiration - he followed his heart and let his spirit soar. My current studies make me feel restricted and trapped. I think the message is to take a leap of faith and go with what brings joy. I have decided to go back to the original degree I was in - bachelor of science majoring in psychology. That is what drove me to study in the first place. That is what expanded my worldview and challenged me to seek out my own answers. I only changed to human services out of fear that I wouldn't get a job from the psych degree. Fear is never a good reason to act. Love is.

Goth, YOU ARE SO RIGHT...........
That is exactly what's been happening for me too!!!

Marc had not just a dream, but an actual goal, to be a famous rock star and he went for it... he didn't doubt it, he just did it! If he can come from having no money to do that through his own determination and self-direction (with a little help from his guardian angel and writing notes to his Pan statue!), then we can strive for what WE want as well. Like him, we should also put faith in our guides, angels, and our own abilities to manifest what we need and want in our lives!

I'm not sure if this relates to you too Goth, but seeing as you're a Taurus like myself maybe this will have some meaning for you.

Mr Gem and I went to the museum the other day, and the only part I really like going to is the Ancient Egypt display. The mummy creeps me out but I love all the artifacts. While we were there I got really drawn to one thing in particular, and it was the display relating to the goddess Hathor. I've never heard of her before, but I couldn't stop staring. Turns out she is a cow goddess (the Taurus connection) and is linked with music, dance, beauty, love and the arts. The next day my favourite cup - which has a cow picture on it - fell on the floor and broke! I was sad about my cup BUT the incident drew my attention back to Hathor. I feel like it is another sign for me to keep following what makes me happy, and to BE happy listening to music and dancing and being creative... It somehow reminds me of MB as well.

http://www.crystalinks.com/hathor.html

Interestingly, the Hathor hieroglyph looks very much like the Twitter logo - which I knew some time ago had some meaning for me. It also links in with the bird shape I had seen on the bathroom doorway at my old house at the exact same time that a bird-related MB song lyric impressed itself into my head.

http://www.uponreflection.co.uk/hieroglyphics/hieroglyphic_gods_hathor.htm

Amazing how things can start linking up so much later in time.

Thanks Gem - you have no idea of the resonance of those links with me. WOW> you nailed it girl - it is about going for it and living our dreams. Your links have compounded it even more in my mind. It is funny you know, because the feelings I associate with MB are the same feelings I have felt when pursuing my goals lately.

Lol I hear you on the signs and symbols that match up and make sense way down the track. Spirit has no linear time so they just pop them out for us and we in our linear time sometimes have to travel years before we can link up all the pieces and make a message of it. That is if we remember all the different parts!

Yes, exactly exactly, the feeling, the vibe, it's the same for me too. It's also a feeling of freedom.

A few other things have been coming full circle for me recently as well, and in that strange interconnected way it links up with another MB song that's been getting into my head - particularly the line "I want to give every childe a chance to dance". Which also links back to Hathor. Hmmmmm so much stuff all coming together.

Then last night I dreamed about my grandad. I'm pretty sure it was an actual interaction with him. In the dream I sorta taught myself how to adjust my vision (or my psychic vision, more accurately) to see spirits. It was a matter of somehow fine tuning it, because first I could see vague shapes that were see-through, but when I tuned my vision in, it was like turning up the quality of what I could see until it became real. So one of the shapes gradually became more visible until it became my grandad, as real as he was in the flesh. Then I did my thing what I always seem to with MB - ie touch to see if he's real (and he always is). When I touched my grandad's hand it was totally real! I had a conversation with him and the upshot was that I was doing well in learning how to do this 'tuning in' thing and that he (and my grandma) are here even if I can't always see them. I don't remember the exact words now but that's the message that's gone into my head from the dream. So, I think somehow it's all working with my recent experiences and stuff like that...

Also interesting, I'm at the beginning of Mercury's transit through my 10th house:

From cafeastrology.com

Quote :

Mercury Transits the Tenth House

You are likely thinking a lot about your career and business matters, or your career requires more communication than usual during this cycle. You speak with authority during this period, and you are more accountable than usual for what (and how) you communicate. Your ideas may come into public view now. Use the power of words to influence authority figures. This is an excellent period for developing career and professional plans or strategies. You may be turned to for advice or for your opinion on important matters. Although approachable and ready to communicate, you are less inclined towards chatting about frivolous matters now. You tend to think about your position or standing on a professional level more frequently during this cycle. You are likely doing some multi-tasking regarding career and business matters. Negative use of this influence would be to worry unnecessarily about your reputation and responsibilities.

Practically ALL I'm doing is communicating about my career because I'm applying for job after job after job, and discussing scholarship applications and my MA thesis topic - all of it with "figures of authority" (bosses, thesis supervisors, Head of Department)... and also thinking about where my career is actually GOING. In my current job, it's going nowhere, but by doing my MA I will be actually progressing my career...

you and me both gem! I've been pondering all week whether to go back to uni and do my law degree (criminal law). I still don't know what I'm going to do ... I just finished a double degree in politics/International Relations and journalism and media and got my certificates the other day ... it took me 5 years but strangely I have felt absolutely no satisfaction from achieving that, more just this sense of gloomy depression. Maybe it's just the mundane energy that seems to be permeating everywhere these days?

I don't know, I feel very blocked and fuzzy wuzz at the moment. I need some healing and clarity me thinks!

I say go for it though gem! Seems like you are being guided to look at opening some other doors in regards to your career and I have no doubt you will do just that!

Oh wow, how you're feeling now sounds like me when I got my teaching diploma. the only thing I was happy about was the fact that I was outta there and moving on - ironically, I moved on to my beginnings in Film & Media Studies and had the best time of my life (satisfaction-wise re studies and what they might lead to), and that is what I'm heading back to now. It's like it almost functions as a release valve or something, the thought of it frees me up and makes me feel good.

Well I must say you are incredibly well-qualified now that you've completed your double degree - congratulations on that! Even if you're not jumping for joy over it, you should still be extremely proud of what you've just achieved!! There are so many opportunities for you now!

It sounds like you need a little break to just be you and let the decision about the law degree just come to you...

And thank you! I'm happy about my decision, it's still half a year away but I'm determined to see it through this time.

Let me add to the trifecta because my degree is bringing me no joy and the feelings you describe sum me up exactly as well Lilith. ( Congrats on finishing your degree - I am in awe of anyone who goes the distance!)

I was shopping for a new degree online yesterday and when I looked at the bachelor of science I swapped out of for human services two years ago I felt a flicker of excitement - they have completely changed the program to allow for a broader scope of study. Maybe this is why I had to detour it originally - so I could come back into it when it suited my needs more? Anyhoo, what I find is the more you follow your path the more your psychic vision and everything else opens up. This might explain why you had the visit from your grandfather Gem? I have learnt over the years that even the most random things are related and not to question it. I had a deep trance yesterday where I had a female buddha give me a message involving two groups of silver fish and a village where people who tried to help a certain group of people were aging prematurely and dying...all symbolic of course but it hit me right in the gut. These trances are becoming more frequent and they are nothing like sleep. They are more like not sleeping and being very tired afterwards. When they happen it is like someone clicks their fingers and I am instantly under and the whole time I am seeing things vividly playing out in a hologram in my mind. They are always emotionally charged experiences leaving me with an after emotion that fits the message. Yesterday I was in trance for 2 hours. Then I slept for an hour to recover. And the communication that happened in trance has stayed with me completely and clearly.