Worried about a friend

Someone I'm very close to lost a tooth recently, after around the top of it had gone black. He's a reasonably heavy smoker and has been for many years (he's in his forties); the tooth loss has given him a bit more reason to quit, but it seems he's still not ready yet. What's worrying me is that I think I can see some more black on the other side of his mouth but he won't show me, so I can't tell for sure - and my concern is whether or not it's (best case scenario) rotting teeth or gum disease caused by smoking, or (worst case scenario) a form of gum cancer. It's true I often jump to conclusions with health-related things, but it worries me that he will not show me and that he is not rushing to the dentist to get this checked out. Is anyone able to do a reading to tell me whether or not my fears are founded? And what my best approach should be, to help him and encourage him to seek diagnosis and treatment?

Okay, I am going to answer this one from my gut - take it or leave it but after reading your post Gem I kind of shied away from answering because I had a pretty strong reaction.

Is this about him or you? You're the one having the worried reaction - not him. I get big warning bells ringing about impinging on his free will. One of the challenges for we compassionate types is to know when to back off and not overstep the boundaries. You can care without being overbearing or dictative. Sure, no-one likes to see one they love suffer but we all need to respect each other's right to make decisions for ourselves. In this case, I sense that whatever is going on in this guy's mouth is his business. (On a deeper level, I get a feeling of it being chosen in his blueprint before incarnation as well). I know you are coming from a genuine caring place with your concerns Gem. If there is a lesson in this for you, I think it is that you aren't here to save everybody. As hard as it is to do, sometimes you just have to let go and let God...

Okay. I thought you might say something like that. Because the issue for me is that years ago I pretty much tried to force him to take better care of himself, and then eventually I realised I had to let go of it and let him do what he wants. But now years later my alarm bells got set off again! And my feelings have been, if something went really wrong because I left him to ignore any problems then what sort of person would I be and how would I live with the guilt of it. I think I might have inherited this way of thinking from my mum, who struggles with guilt over what happened to other people even though she couldn't control it. In this case already, she is saying 'You should make him show you', 'you should make him go to the dentist'... she always thinks I should make people (ie the men in my life) do things. So I see where you are coming from... I mentioned it to him, right... so that leaves it in his hands I guess... but it is hard when it's someone you care very deeply about and you see them repeating a pattern in their life of 'do nothing until it's a crisis'. I will have to practice letting go again...

I was tested for gum cancer a couple of years ago. The area that was in question was white, not black. Look up gum disease or dental problems and see what comes up.

I hear what you are saying Gem and it is a tough thing to do but loving someone involves respecting their personal choices even if it does fly in the face of what you know to be best for them. Lord knows I still struggle with not interfering in other people's lives because I am so sensitive to what they are going through. By all means do the research like Night suggested but be warned - it may settle your fears or make them worse. It is a gamble because you don't know what you are going to find. The best you can do is remind this guy how much he means to you and how much you care about him and his health and hope that he decides to get checked out. Mothers and their shoulds - lol. The word 'should' is a loaded gun. It puts pressure on us and induces guilt. Banish it I say!

I meant to add - you can always ask your guides to confer with his guides to relay the message for you about his mouth. If it is in his best interests, then they will act...then it is still up to him and his free will whether to do something proactive or not.

Hi Susan. Maybe you'd like to tell us a little more about yourself in the introductions section? Glad to have you with us

Welcome!

Hi Gem,

It's all well and good to not infringe on free will, but a different story altogether to hold back your truth in favour of not upsetting someone. Tell him how scared you are! Tell him that it is worrying you. Tell him you WANT him to get it checked. Let him know how it makes you feel. Tell him you understand that he may not be worried about it, but tell him that you are. You don't have to force him to do anything about it, but you are allowed to tell him that you don't like him not worrying about it. Don't listen to what other people think, listen to what you think and act on what you think. Whether it's in his blueprint or not, you still get to choose for yourself how YOU will react and deal with what is in your experience. If he has gum cancer, it's still in your experience and you are not infringing on free will by telling him he's silly for not getting it checked. You're not infringing on his free will by demanding that he get it checked. He chose to have you in his experience. It goes without saying that gum cancer MAY be in his blueprint, but YOU are in his blueprint too, and YOU telling him to get it checked and then him getting it checked and treated is probably in his blueprint too. You don't have to be pushy, bossy or forceful to get him to have it checked but you won't be causing any harm by expressing how you really feel in a very HUMAN way. You are human and spirit, so is he. Don't take on wishy-washy pie in the sky advice. This possibly could be a test of ACTION for you.

Namaste.

Hi Nuelma - I hadn't thought of it that way before. I've just had two dental appointments this week myself - ironically, the situation with my friend's teeth helped to spark me into action after years of not going to the dentist, and it turns out it's lucky I did go! I didn't have a full understanding of my own oral health and just this week my dentist has helped to put a stop to some gum disease that I had, before it got more serious. Turns out it's something that I personally have to take extra care with (and I thought I already did take good care of my teeth and gums), so at least now I have a health plan to keep it in check! It's going to make my finances pretty crappy paying off the bill - but I want to keep my mouth healthy! The strange thing is that after both my appointments this week, I went to my friend's house afterward. The first time was a planned visit, but today it was because his was the closest nearby place that I could go to use the bathroom! lol. So maybe him seeing me take more care with this stuff might give him something to think about. And the problem with my own gums could open the way for action on his part too. I do get very paranoid about the health of people I'm close to, just as I get paranoid about my own health. On the topic of gums again, my sister somehow scratched her gum the other night and it bleed a lot, for over an hour and was not stopping. It was brought up to me in phone conversation almost as if it was a casual occurence. It worried me that the bleeding was not stopping and it took me, yes, FORCING action on the situation before anything was done about it. I don't like to force, and in reality I can not force anyone to do anything anyway, but it did take some upfront talking from me. In the end my mum sought medical advice and they got the right information on how to stop the bleeding - plus they were told that if it still didn't stop within 10 minutes to go and see a doctor. It also came to light that my sister's consumption of too many blood-thinning vitamins and herbs probably contributed to the bleeding. This would be potentially dangerous if she had a real accident or something. So I said what I thought about the pills and said what I thought she should remove from her regimen. I don't know whether she has actually done it yet but I will check. I just find it difficult not to say anything when I know that something isn't right. In the end people can choose whether or not they take my advice. It is a tiring process for me though and I am trying very hard to be good to myself as well, which is why I haven't checked up on the vitamin situation yet. I don't feel like it should have to be my responsibility, but in a way if I'm the person who has the knowledge that's needed for a situation, it sort of is. And I am gaining more knowledge about dental care and stuff now as well, that I may be able to pass on to my friend. I talk to Archangel Michael and Archangel Raphael on an almost daily basis, and I always include requests to help my loved ones with protection and healing if it is in their highest good. So although the progress is slow, perhaps my requests are unfolding just through the actions of daily life.

On another related note, I also realised last night that I've developed quite an anxiety about my own health and that it gets triggered when I read health books, if they contain information about diseases. So I'm resolved that I'm not going to look at those books again! Funnily enough my mum had a similar realisation around the same age as me, and she decided to get rid of her book that contained information about symptoms of diseases. Strange how things work out.

Wonderful news Gem Taking action is always a good way to stop anxiety. Anxiety always grows when we don't DO something about what we are thinking (or stressing) about. Our thoughts can run around and around and around, and if we don't take action the thoughts will just keep going around and around, and eventually cause ill health. It is good to hear that you took charge and found a solution for yourself and in your action you are able to role model good behaviourr for your friend.

Glad to hear things worked out for you Gem. I've had quite a few dental problems since having my last child and know how easy it is to neglect things to the point of it becoming a health crisis. Perhaps your friend's problems were a mirror of your own and thus sparked you into action? I believe leading by example is a great non-forceful way of helping those we love. Often if we notice something in another that relates to our situation, we do become curious and pay attention to it. Even those who are not aware of their spiritual nature.

The old adage you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink comes to mind. This is the trap with trying to force things. Free will allows us all to make our own choices. Some people may succumb to your wishes through fear or another emotion, but real change happens when the person in question is ready to make the choice for their own reasons. As a sensitive this can be difficult to accept as we want the best for everyone and often take on their feelings.

The reading the health book thing I can relate to lol. Geez how many hypochondriac experiences have I had? From shoulder cancer to schizophrenia, I've been scared I've got them all after reading about them. I think this is the sensitive in us again rearing it's head and taking the info onboard emotionally and walking in the shoes of those who do suffer with these afflictions. We're like sponges who automatically do it. If anything, we have a real need to protect ourselves by pulling our energies back and not taking it personally. Easier said than done I know. I have tried your method of putting the book down or not reading about it but then whatever I have read stays with me long after I have read it and goes around and around my head. Or I will hear stories of things on the news or in conversation and straight away sponge girl reacts and makes the emotions her own lmao. I think I need to discipline my mind not to do it. Even going into a crowded place like a supermarket can be traumatic for me because I pick up on all the mixed energies and take on other people's emotions. It can be disorienting and frightening because I can't always find the exact source of what I am feeling. It is just a wall of mixed energies. Hence I enjoy my solitude.

Glad your mum and you got help for your sis and hope that things do settle down for her. Wow, what a hard message to deliver that something that is regarded as useful and good for her health actually was detrimental. I think these days people see a bottle with vitamins or herbal on it and automatically think it is good for them but like anything, you have to do the research thoroughly before placing your faith in it. Some combinations of herbs can be deadly. This blanket mentality that 'alternative' supplements are all good is dangerous. Only an experienced naturopath or herbalist can advise somebody of what might benefit them and give all the drawbacks. But then even they don't always get it right. And there are interactions that can happen with other traditional medications as well.

Thanks Nuelma - my anxiety in general lately seems to be worse, a product of stress mostly, but the hypochondria-type anxiety is something that I can put a stop to since I now recognise the trigger and am beginning to understand it.

And I agree with all you just said, Goth! And oh man, the health books and hypochondria how you described it is just how I am! Even just a news story on the TV about some disease will get stuck in my head and you're right, it's like I take on the emotions of it and then worry myself about potential symptoms. I hadn't considered that this may be to do with being sensitive, but now I think there may just be something in that. I've heard things described and then felt a fear like "oh my god how awful to experience that" and it's as though I've put myself mentally in the affected person's shoes. From there the anxiety grows. My mind takes that position so easily, instantly even. I hear about something horrible and mentally I experience it. Perhaps luckily for me I don't seem to experience many negative effects from being in public places, but I have experienced both energy drain and what I can only describe as 'sliming' as a result of contact with individuals in public. It takes experience and practice, I think, to begin recognising how we are affected energetically and to take the right action for ourselves.

I hear you Gem. I find when I get too overwhelmed I sit quietly and release it all by letting go. I realise it has reached the point of too much and is impacting my health and functioning so I mentally and emotionally say 'enough!' Then I ground myself and white light my entire being from the chakras to the aura and down through my bare feet into the earth. I also spend time outside in my backyard simply soaking up nature. Do you know how restorative it is to a sensitive (or anyone really) to walk barefoot on grass and listening to the birds or the wind in the trees or simply looking at plants and animals? This always brings me back to myself and reminds me of who I am at my core and in my spirit. Then I feel refreshed and ready to re-enter the world. This sort of self-care becomes routine and can make a real difference. I look forward to my 'reset' moments lol. It really is like hitting the reset button and restoring your factory settings.

That is a wonderful technique, Goth! Sounds like you really have it downpat how to take care of yourself energetically. I am not so great at it, in that I don't do it enough. There is a park just up the road from my house and I've only taken the opportunity to go and sit up there and soak up the refreshing energy of it TWICE in the whole time I've lived here. When I go out for a walk to refresh myself, it's usually downhill to the supermarket. Perhaps I should walk UPhill for a change and sit in the park.