Very worried for my sister

I don't know what section this should go in really, and I know there are no answers for me beyond what I've been given many times - I know I can not do anything to save a person who refuses to seek help. But things are very scary right now and I can only hope that my sister will save herself before something dreadful happens. Can I please ask for prayers from the people on this forum, because I am so worried about her health right now. In a way I don't want to write about what's been happening because I feel like that will give energy to it. I still know I can't force anyone to do anything but at the same time I feel like I can not give up. It all makes me worried and sad. I am praying for some kind of heavenly intervention and that's all I have to say.

Sorry so late with a reply Gem - I've been busy in my own life with someone in an emotional crisis. Of course I can pray and send positive energy to your sister. It sounds very much like you need to ask her guides to help her as well (you probably already have). Have you thought of making or buying her a crystal gift to help? Maybe a piece of jewelery that she could wear to enhance the effects of the healing energies?

I hear your concern and understand how hard it is to witness someone we love going through so much pain. Your support means alot to her even if she doesn't show it. She does have to work this out herself although you can offer her directions to go. I am not sure what resources are available in her community but it would be beneficial to try and keep a support network of kind, compassionate people around her. Just know that what she is going through is temporary and try to let her know that too. Sometimes it can feel like you are trapped in a never-ending downward spiral with no forseeable way out. It helps to have someone on the outside who can reassure you that there is and that help is available if and when you are ready.

Most of all honey, take care of yourself and your own emotional state. Caring for someone having problems can be draining. It is not selfish to need time out to restore your energy levels. In fact it is healthier to ground yourself, than to get pulled into the person's problems and go down with them. I hope both of you find the strength to get through this. Love and blessings, Kat

Thanks Goth. It is all just so frustrating and worrying for everyone, especially when weird physical symptoms crop up. I do often feel like I'm selfish for making myself happy when all of this is going on, and that is a problem, especially when I know my mum can't just step back and do that herself because she lives with this in her face every day (as they live in the same house but I don't). I sometimes feel bad that I am not there with it in my face too.

I shall send healing vibes as well.

Thanks Moonie for helping Gem with this

Gem, I can relate to what you are saying about your mother. I find myself in a situation living with someone with chronic anxiety and panic attacks which has been very draining (especially since it is one of my own children). The thing that helps me get through is having people to talk to who are supportive and understanding. If you can be there for your mother in that capacity, then you are providing something very valuable to her. It can be a very lonely road dealing with emotional problems and chronic illness.

Thank you sooo much Moonie! :) I've sent her quite a bit of reiki in the past year or so, and it does help her at the time, but unfortunately it's not something I feel I can do every day. Reiki is not supposed to drain your own energy, but sometimes I feel that when my own energy is low the reiki does not flow very well. I talked to someone I've recently met who does reiki and she confirmed what I had felt about it, that reiki does not always flow if you aren't up to it on some level (emotionally, physically, whatever is going on around you etc). Plus I've also had the feeling that she needs to help herself and not rely on receiving reiki all the time. Maybe I'll give it another go sometime soon.

And yes Goth, it is so draining to be in that situation. My mum does rely on me a lot in that sense, and I guess that is where my physical distance from the situation is a good thing because it can keep me more refreshed and able to be supportive. Mr Gem is quite an anxious type himself and gets into some very illogical panics, so dealing with that quite often gives me a little bit of insight of how it is for my mum. Nowhere near as intense, but it does give me a little insight to the frustration.

Thanks so much for the support! :)

My apologies for not being here for you. How is your sister doing hun?

Thanks for the lovely angels, Nightie. :) No need to apologise... she seems to be over the health scare for now, but is still ongoing with all the usual problems. I am feeling a bit down myself. I was unwell this past week, really weird symptoms like aching legs, and then I had a weird reaction to my prescribed vitamin D tablet that scared me. Blood tests came back normal and I am feeling a little bit better healthwise now, still waiting for some results because I wanted to check out how I am health wise in case I may want to conceive some time later in the year. But I am feeling depressed because I've noticed quite a bit of hair coming out, it's all around the house. But my thyroid result was ok. I think I might have been damaging my hair with too much heat styling. So now my hair is all bushy today because I'm afraid to straighten it and I feel really unkempt, not to mention freaked out that I am finding bits of my hair everywhere. The past week has gotten me down I think. And I am afraid to take vitamins of any kind now. I ignored my intuition to *not* take the vitamin D and just throw it away. And now I'm freaked about taking any kind of pill in case my body reacts. I've developed quite a fear of it thanks to what happened the other day. And I hope my hair will be ok and stop falling out. (You can call it vanity or you can call it giving myself a boost by feeling as though I look nice day to day). Only just a week ago I was feeling good and now I'm feeling so down.

Sorry to hear you are feeling down Gem. I used to have really thick hair but as I got older it has thinned and I find hair everywhere too. You would be surprised what is considered normal in the way of hair loss for the average person...my brush is always full of hairs after styling (and I don't ever use a hairdryer of hair products when styling - just a bit of leave in conditioner). When I wash my hair I can run my hand through it and have strands come out easily. I have even been known to plug up the drain with my luscious long black locks!

The hair fall-out could be caused by a number of things. Could be stress too. I can't take vitamins for some reason they make me nautious. Weird huh? I'll stick to my fish oil pills.

Sorry to hear that you're down. I've been depressed too. Not where I am sad or crying, but rather lack motivation to do anything around the house. Sort of looks like a tornado came through. LOL I will be forcing myself to get the dishes done and to find the top of my table. There's jewelry supplies everywhere.

Anyway, you're in my thoughts.

Yeah it may even just be normal hair fall for this time of year. I've always had a lot of hair coming out in the hairbrush etc and a few of my friends have been worried about their own hair fall at different times but it has gone back to normal again. I'll try not to worry about it too much and just look after myself. There is no baldness in my family at least, so I suppose I don't have to worry about some kind of genetic cause. I think maybe I'm just overly aware of it and being paranoid because of turning 35 the other week. I have never thought of myself as old, and I certainly have not felt old recently due to my own thoughts - but more that other people seem to be starting to imply that I am! I don't know why people have to say things like that and think that it's funny. And when I went to the doctor last week, he said that 35 is not old but that if I want to have children I should not put it off any longer. Which ironically made me feel sort of... old. So, I dunno. I have everything to be happy about and this year is a year that I am taking for me, getting on the right track for myself etc. I went to another Kelvin Cruickshank show last night... he was fantastic... and as always, he repeated the positive message to follow your dreams and do what makes you happy. Last time I went to his Soul Food show, that message stuck with me and had an influence on what I am doing with my life now. Last night when he said it, I felt good that I have started to make the changes to make my life what I want it. But at the same time I now feel like there is a pressure on me to have a baby before it's too late. I'm sort of confused about it. On one hand maybe I should take the opportunity while I still have it, but on the other hand it is a massive life change. Also I have gigantic fears about the childbirth process, and even about whether or not my body can handle pregnancy. Because my body seems to be so sensitive and has done so many freaky things over the past couple of years... reactions to substances, reactions to treatments, crazy vertigo, heart palpitations, you name it... I get so worried about something bad happening to me as a result of pregnancy or childbirth. The idea of an epidural freaks me the hell out, since they put it in your spine and given my back and nervous system problems that I've had in recent years, plus the fact that an anaesthetic is a foreign substance to your body... it all scares me. I may just be paranoid, but what if my fears are actually an intuition?

LIVE Gem - don't think away your life - go out and live it. If you have chosen to let intuition guide you, then put your faith in it fully and release your fears. I hear what you are saying - I actually 'feel' what you are saying since it is a carbon copy of myself from many years ago. Especially the baby stuff - I thought I would never have children due to my fears surrounding childbirth. Now I have three kids that are the joy in my world. Each was born via caesarean section. There was no epidural involved as with the first I had a spinal anaesthetic that I really didn't want repeated again. I am not trying to scare you with that. I simply mention it because we do have choices and can avoid the most unwanted medical interventions. Choice is our biggest ally.

Thiry five pfft....45, 65, 95....all just numbers. Biological clocks don't all stop ticking at the same age. Look at that 66 year old woman who had a baby. You are right - children completely change your life. They become the central focus and your life goes on the backburner (how many years have I been studying part-time to get my degree now and I am not even half way through it???). You go from selfish (meaning all about you) to selfless (meaning all about your kids) overnight. It's probably the biggest adjustment you will make in your life.

But let's talk about you, because that is who you need to focus on here. No matter what a doctor or friends or family say, ultimately it is you who decides your course in life and it sounds like you've got all that downpat. I wonder why you are allowing yourself to be so affected by outside influences right now? I mean, have you thought about where and when a child fits in to your life story? Is it just the age thing playing on your mind? Where's it all coming from?

Oh, and I like that Kelvin Cruickshank's attitude - Live your Dreams - great mantra!!!


By the way Nighty, the tornado has hit my house too. I call it 'autumn cleaning' because it is not spring here. Every room holds a mess of treasures just waiting to be sorted. I like to think of it as an adventure...I have to think of it as an adventure otherwise I get too overwhelmed with the enormity of the task. If only not being able to see the top of my table was the worst of it, but it isn't...why oh why did I deconstruct my bedroom and pull everything out to go through it? I think I have way more books than any human could possibly need...sigh.

Hmmm well I think it's because I feel like I'm being bombarded by other people with the message that I'm getting older and should have a child now. EVERYONE is saying it to me. I feel like the pressure is on and that it's a now or never decision. People seem to like telling me that I'm old now, or getting old. I have never felt that way, but now everyone seems to like telling me so. I really wanted to have a child about a year ago, but my fears have kicked in more recently. So I'm just not sure anymore because I don't want to put myself at risk. I keep seeing things on movies and stuff about women dying in childbirth and then it scares me even more. I guess I am scared of my own body because it has done some freaky things to me in the past few years. Have to go for now, but I will be back later!

Back again... Maybe it's to do with feeling pressurised into it, I don't know. There have been a lot of times in the past years that I have thought I'd like to have a baby, and a lot of the positive changes that I've made in my life in the past year have incorporated thoughts of doing this, but the timing now seems to be not right or something. Or maybe part of it is that I can not even imagine the giving birth part of it. It's the giving birth part that terrifies me, not the actual thought of a baby or the changes to my life. The fear of my own wellbeing, the medical interference with my body, etc, because I've had such weird experiences at the hands of medical professionals the past couple of years. I almost feel like my body is my enemy in a way, so I think I'm going to feel weird or stuck for a decision until I can get peace of mind that I will be ok.

Must be a sensitive kind of thing cos I used to feel that way about my body too and especially about giving birth...I think what the real issue here is defining your reason for having a baby. Pressure is not a good reason. When it is time and you know it and feel it in your gut, then your fears will become secondary to the main goal of having a child. Not everybody wants children or can even have children. There are other alternatives such as adoption or fostering that are not bound by our body clocks. In any case, you are 35, not 45 so it doesn't hurt to put this on the back burner for awhile and give yourself room to breathe.

True... thank you. In the past I felt more ready and positive about it but now the fears are blocking me. Plus the pressurising feeling that comes from SEVERAL people telling me that I'm getting older and to do it now. I've never been one to do something because other people tell me to - in fact I usually go in the opposite direction and do things when I'm good and ready. So it would be a first if I did this because of what other people are saying. The doctor gave me a prescription for folic acid, which I might start taking anyway since I know it's very good for your cervical cells and for your hair growth... other than that, I would like to have a baby sometime and my thoughts of life *after* childbirth are always good ones. I just think it would be so nice to have a family. There have been times where I'd start to get excited because my period was late! But with where I'm at right now, my fears and the pressurised feeling are going to have to subside first so I can feel freer about it.

Having a family is nice, but it is alot of hard work and coming from someone who has chosen to try and study as well as raise children, you learn that flexibility is key to survival. At the moment I have one child down sick with the flu, another out of school with severe anxiety and I have no time for study let alone myself. This will be the first time I cannot complete a subject for uni and it is taking it's toll on my self esteem. But children always come first. And that's the thing about having them - you never know what is going to happen. I think you are very wise to have worked through your feelings about it now rather than later when the choice just isn't there. Once a child is on it's way, there is no going back to the shop for a refund lol.

Yep. All things to consider. Everything else would have to take a back seat, which is ok with me. May be a good thing that I am taking this year for me, to do my own thing. Sorry to hear about you not completing your paper - I can see how that would affect your self-esteem, but you know it is really no reflection on you personally or your abilities right? It's all down to other things having to take precedence. I think there are two papers I didn't complete when I was doing my degree. One that almost didn't complete but just scraped through on a C or C- was where I had completely overwhelmed myself by doing too many third year papers in not one but TWO subjects, and I found that I had no time to complete the final assignment (which was worth 40% of the entire paper). I didn't ask for an extension (being young and not confident enough), so I didn't do the assignment. Another paper in my first year that really wasn't 'me' bored me so much I stopped going to the classes, rather than withdrawing from the paper. I didn't go to the exam and now my record says that I was absent. I figured it was better to be 'absent' than to 'fail'. Another paper, I couldn't go on with and withdrew from when my grandmother died. I got a special circumstances withdrawal on bereavement grounds. So I have three instances of not fulfilling all the requirements for a paper. At the time I felt bad about it, but in retrospect that was life, and I always had other chances. My study life has had so many setbacks and delays it's crazy... but the delays have all worked out for me, because without them I would not be doing what I am doing now (my thesis on a topic that is truly what I love), older and wiser and even more appreciative of the opportunity to study. You will have other chances too, and you will find that next time will be much better, and there may just be a silver lining somewhere along the way. The delay to completing your degree may just be a good thing. So don't feel bad.