Emotional Vampires

Emotional vampires stalk you, not for your blood, but to sustain themselves through taking your emotional energy. They don't come out at night, lurking around silently to frighten you, they are ordinary people that you come across every day. They can be strangers, relatives, friends or even you. They are not evil, simply immature energy stealers who see people as a potential energy source. Why do people become emotional vampires? Generally, theories involve unbalanced brain chemistry, childhoood trauma or the effects of growing up in a dysfunctional family.

These vampires believe that their needs are more important than yours. They believe that rules apply to other people and have a sense of entitlement. They believe their motives are pure and take no responsibility for their own behaviour, blaming others for their problems. They are masters of manipulation. They can be either aware or unaware of their motives and tactics. However, to fall prey to them is to feel as though you are being drained dry.

One of the biggest mistakes you can make when you spot an emotional vampire is to believe that underneath it all they are really just ordinary people who have suffered. Of course, they may have been ordinary people who have suffered, however, delving into their past, trying to understand why they have become vampires, or attempting to salvage their hurt inner self to somehow heal it is a waste of your time and energy. It isn't important to know why they bacame a vampire, or to help them out into the light. They will drain you dry in your efforts to help them. Vampires are confused about who they are. Involving yourself with them will have you risking losing yourself and becoming one yourself.

The most effective way to protect yourself from vampires is through knowledge of what they are. Secondly, pay attention to your intuition. When you are dealing with people, take note of your emotional and physical responses. They are key indicators to whether or not you are being drained emotionally. If you find yourself dealing with a vampire, disengage from them. Putting a bubble of light around yourself may not be enough, it is best to remove yourself completely from them. They won't mind if you do that - they will find someone else to leech from.

We have all interacted with emotional vampires from time to time throughout our lives. We do know intuitively when we have come across one. The most important thing to do is to be aware of them and protect yourself. By protect yourself I do not mean out of fear but out of integrity and respect for yourself.

So true


Thank-You

There are several different types of emotional vampire. The easiest way to classify them is according to the different personality disorders to which they are most similar.

Anti-social vampires: Basically quite simple, yet quite insidious. They will use you to accomplish their goals. They desire immediate gratification. They seem exciting, charming and seductive. They believe rules were made to be broken. They will throw tantrums to get their way, makes promises and break them without regard, engage in risk taking just for fun, view lying as a means to achieve goals as an admirable trait and make no apologies for their impulsive dangerous nature. They are bullies, pushy and aggressive when you don’t give them what they want, but seductively charming when you do and when they want more. They have a lust for stimulation, seldom reflect on why they do things and simply put; are rebels without a cause. They use charm to get by, convincing you that they have what you want to pull you in and use you. They have tendencies towards Antisocial personality disorder.

Obsessive-Compulsive vampires: These vampires can be workaholics and have a difficult time relaxing. They find fault in others’ ways of doing things and can be quite intolerant. They usually have a very clear moral code and are very judgemental and controlling. Punishing others is popular to them and is usually done in a condescending manner through lecturing, belittling, fault-finding and hostile questioning. They are perfectionists, rigid and pre-occupied with details. They are anally-retentive and have emotional control down-pat. They stick to their promises and are usually bluntly honest. They believe in following the letter of the law. They are hoarders and have difficulty letting things go. They draw you in with their competence and reliability, then suck up your energy by withholding approval, criticizing and commenting on the error of your ways. They are demanding and self-righteous and drain your emotional energy by hooking you to try to live up to their expectations. They are puritans who try to make the world safe for love by using punishment and cruelty. They have tendencies towards Obsessive-Compulsive personality disorder.

Narcissistic vampires: These ones firmly believe that they are better than everyone else. They have little interest in others’ thoughts or feelings unless they can get something from them. They take advantage of others to achieve their own ends. They detest taking care of their responsibilities to other people. They are usually name-droppers and try to associate with the ‘right’ people. They become irritated, aggressive or controlling when others don’t do what they want. They believe they are special and that rules don’t apply to them. They expect to dazzle you with their intelligence, talents and achievements and are usually goal-orientated and focused. They shamelessly flaunt how great they are and expect everyone to admire them. They have an inability to accept criticism and believe criticism is the effect of other’s jealousy. They feign interest or empathy only when they want something and are usually highly competitive. They believe it is ok to take advantage of others and are proud to admit their ability to use others for personal gain. They are legends in their own minds. These vampires steal your energy by making you feel like the second most important person in the world next to them. They drain you by making you their follower. They have tendencies towards Narcissistic personality disorder.

Histrionic vampires: Histrionics are approval and attention seeking performers. They are polite and can make you feel interesting. However they will gossip about you behind your back. They are superficial and love the spotlight. They will state that they are easy to get along with however are quite the opposites. They can be cheerful and witty, exciting and sociable but lack true substance and integrity. They often speak in an indirect and vague manner, making promises that they rarely keep. They live the life of a soap opera, casting themselves in the leading role and expect others to admire them as they would a superstar. They live in a world of emotions, defined by their feelings rather than their thoughts. They are fickle and have selective memories. They seek out the most appreciative audiences and can be quite flirty. They can be hypochondriacs, especially when dealing with work or responsibility. They steal your energy by demanding your attention and sulking or throwing tantrums when they don’t get it. They feign helplessness very well and drain you by getting you to take care of their needs. They have tendencies towards Histrionic personality disorder.

Paranoid vampires: These vampires believe that nothing is random and can tie their minds (and yours) up in knots trying to see the connections in everything. They abhor ambiguity and organize their lives by attempting to join the dots. They have problems relating to other human beings and see things that sometimes really aren’t there. They are overly suspicious and have very few friends. They cut people out of their lives for slights that seem to them to be profound and find it extremely difficult to let go of hurt or mistreatment. They demand absolute loyalty in all form of thought or deed from others and see mistakes as acts of disloyalty and disrespect. They live in a twilight zone where they literally confuse themselves trying to find meaning in meaningless encounters. Their mood is dependent on their perception of honesty in the people around them. They are perceptive, however their perceptiveness has them always looking for deeper meaning in everything which results in suspicion of everything. They connect everything with everything else and then take it all personally. They take your energy by making you jump through hoops to prove your loyalty and honesty to them. They have tendencies towards Paranoid personality disorder.

This is very interesting information Nuelma - thanks for sharing it Could you please acknowledge the source in some way so people who are interested can follow up and for copyright reasons? Thanks in advance.

Yep, sure thing Goth I haven't finished yet, but for those who would like the source now, the ideas are from Albert Bernstein, a wonderful writer, teacher, speaker, businessman and psychologist.

I will be adding further to my posts his thoughts on how to recognize vampiric action in yourself, cut through your denial of such, heal yourself honestly and how to respond to vampires that drain you also.

Have you spotted any of the above characteristics in yourself? Perhaps you have noted tendencies from some or all of the different groups in your own behaviour. If you have, take it as a good sign. Being aware of your actions and thoughts is a mighty stepping stone for change and healing.
It can be difficult to accept and easier to live in denial, however to relate to your world in a more constructive and purposeful manner and to live your life with more peace, it is favourable to look into the mirror that this thread provides.

For the Antisocial vampire the goal of treatment is to overcome the addiction to excitement. Learning to delay gratification, accept boredom and go along with societal rules is the key for healing. It will be hard work, but effective in result if you can live by the letter of the law, considering the effect of your actions before acting, expressing your anger in constructive ways, keeping your promises and learning to endure boredom rather than behaving impulsively.
A twelve-step program can be quite effective to treat the Antisocial vampire. Examining family-of-origin issues may not be the best approach for this type as it can give more excuses for the behaviour rather than curb it. Antisocial vampires do not need advocates and should face the consequences of their own behaviour.

We are all emotional vampires in one way or the other, more than focusing on others, it would be good to start with the self. That is my opinion.

Good topic nevertheless.

Yes Moonchild, One must always start with one's self. I have spotted several traits from the different groups of emotional vampire within my own behaviours - especially in my past behaviour. The information in this thread is quite important in helping people to become aware of the ways we can be vampiric. It is also equally as important to be aware of other's attempts to manipulate your emotions which can pull you off your centre. Self and other are two sides of the same coin and recognizing the emotional vampiric characteristics in yourself and in others, focusing attention on both, is balancing. No one side is more important than the other. While you notice aspects within yourself, you notice aspects in others.

Did you spot a Narcissistic vampire inside of you?
Narcissistic vampires need to develop a sense of connection with other people through developing empathy. The key to this is in behaving as if you value other’s needs. In time, you will discover that other’s needs are important. It is very important to practise the art of listening to others and avoid talking about yourself. Allow other people to lead and do what they tell you. Join organizations with people who are different to you and partake in charity work. Narcissists need to learn that getting what they want may not necessarily be what is best for them.

The best way of dealing with a Narcissistic emotional vampire is to not challenge their ego. Ignore their tantrums, remain true to yourself by standing up for what you believe in and don’t be afraid to ask for what you want. Choose your words carefully when communicating with Narcissists and try to give them truthful praise rather than criticism.

The goal for Histrionic vampires is to learn how to take care of themselves rather than expecting others to take care of them. Learn to recognize the difference between thinking and feeling and make choices by what you think rather than what you feel. Learn how to express your negative emotions and ask for what you want directly. Do things for yourself and also do things by yourself. Allow yourself to openly disagree with others – obviously politely, but honestly.
When dealing with a Histrionic vampire always give lots of positive feedback. Be sensitive. Be consistent and avoid berating them. Because Histrionics are people pleasers, be very clear when asking for what you want from them. They need explicit expectations from you rather than unspoken agreements.

If you recognize Obsessive-compulsive tendencies in yourself, it will be helpful to know your top priority rather than allowing yourself to get caught up in lots of details. Try to avoid making judgements, firstly by paying attention to the negative judgements you make about people and other things. Whenever you catch yourself thinking something negative about someone, purposely try to find two good things about them. When making requests of others, step back and don’t try to take over. Allow others to learn through their own mistakes instead of through your lectures. Acknowledge your own mistakes publicly – the idea here is to learn humility. Allow yourself to goof off. Learn relaxation techniques and commit to using them.

Obsessive-compulsives thrive on always being right. If they hurt your feelings, be direct and tell them so. Keep in mind that 3 criticisms or less from them actually means that you are doing ok in their eyes. Don’t take their criticism personally and don’t criticize their perfectionism. Negotiate for what you want and encourage these perfectionists to maintain perspective. Show them appreciation and acknowledge things that you do learn through them.

Paranoid vampires will benefit from learning how to tolerate ambiguity. Another goal is learning how to forgive perceived betrayals. It is vitally important to understand that some of the things you see or believe to be true may, in reality, not really be there. Try to recognize that what other people do may have very little to do with you. Understand that people are not thinking of you all of the time and this does not mean they are being disloyal, merely being normal. People close to you have parts of their lives that have nothing to do with you, try not to feel threatened by this fact. Allow small transgressions on the part of others to be forgiven. You create anguish for everyone including yourself when you can’t forgive and forget. Allow slights and oversights to be simply that, don’t turn them into betrayals and humiliations.

If you come across a Paranoid vampire, never agree to tests of love. There is no way to prove affection. Never try to deceive a paranoid. They are after your faithfulness. Take their professed pain and hurt seriously, but don’t jump through hoops to try to heal it. Don’t reward their tantrums by listening or fighting back, they can carry on for hours and get you no-where except going around and around and around trying to justify yourself .

Source for the above material:

Albert J. Bernstein, Ph.D.

For further reading;

http://www.albernstein.com/home.htm